"Rather than this attitude of scarcity, you quickly find that there are lots of people out there. The problem is sorting through them," says Kathryn B. Lord, a couples therapist and cyber romance coach, summing up the benefits of dating on the web. Indeed, locating a suitable match is where time and effort play a crucial role in dating — on or off the Internet.

"I used to think that I'd just fill out all of these applications and then my soul mate would appear," says Kelly, a 28-year-old social worker who joined lots of online dating sites in her search for Mr. Right. "After a year, I met lots of men but nobody that I really felt a connection with." Kelly realized that her haphazard approach yielded a haphazard array of men. To meet somebody who suited her needs, she had to take the time to create a detailed profile and listen and pay close attention to what her respondents wrote.

In order to get a better handle on the personalities of potential dates, Lord advises printing out e-mailed responses. "It's a record of what they say. Look for consistency and congruency. You have to have your antennae up," she says. Lori, a people savvy 33-year-old publicist, learned about taking time to read between the lines, the hard way.

"I joined a site and immediately met my ideal guy," she says. "His photo looked great and he described himself as tall and athletic. He was witty and well-informed whenever we talked online. "After a week of e-mailing, Lori met her dreamboat at a local café. "He looked nothing like his photo, he looked a decade older! Instead of all the witty banter, he said about two words. I was so disappointed."

Lori could have saved herself the disappointment if she had invested a little more time in getting to know her phantom dream date. Asking pertinent questions such as, "how old is your photo?" Also, initiating in-depth conversations, through e-mail and over the phone, for a few more weeks, would have provided her with more insight.

After discovering the importance of time and effort in Internet dating, Kelly eventually located a compatible mate. She's now in a relationship with Kevin, an introspective stock broker who is her perfect match. She doubts that she would have ever met him without the easy access of the Internet, but it still took some work on her part. "It wasn't quick. I had to stay focused on what I wanted," she says. "It took a lot of time going through all of those e-mails and asking loads of questions. But I found Kevin, so it was worth it."

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